Not Normal

Not me either

The other day I was out communing with nature, you know, or I was trying to. Once we actually lived on a sort of commune in Wisconsin. It meant different things to us at the time. To me, it meant lots of dog piles of questionable provenance and definitely no responsible owners. And I ended up as one of the owners. The dog sign was biodegradable, but we left anyway. And not just cause of the smell.

This was different. No dogs to start with. And no people either. I was sitting near a quiet ravine mostly watching the trees grow. But I noticed a gray squirrel on the forest floor. He was carrying a whole walnut and hopping around. He was something to watch and I wasn’t going anywhere. When I suddenly heard him thinking, almost like it was me thinking it. This was cool. I always wondered what they thought.

It was a little bit of a letdown, but still.

And this is what I heard him think, as if he was talking out loud:

“This walnut is getting heavy. I gotta put it down. If I hadn’t seen Bob bury it, I never would have found it.

Now I just need to find a place to hide it. One that I can remember. Maybe over there, no I’ll forget that. Maybe closer to home. Maybe…

What was that noise? It was on the other side of the tree there. If I just peek a little. Yow! That was close. Up! Go up higher! Now another peek. Well, crap! He’s still there. And looking right at me. Maybe out this branch, nah, I can see him and so maybe he can see me. You know, if I didn’t have this stupid walnut, this would be a lot easier.

Now what was I doing?”

He looked around and saw me watching him. He stopped and crouched just staring at me. I was staring at him too.

Finally, he stuck out both arms to the sides and we both thought, “What are you looking at, Stupid?”

Kinda surprised us both.

Having dropped the walnut, he disappeared.

I thought,” I need to write this down quick, or no one will believe it.”

And I did. So, you know it’s true.